Glass in the Bear Den

Have you ever thought about how often a pane of glass comes between people? Ok, probably not, maybe that is just my geeky side shining through. Let's talk about it anyway, how does that sound? Glass is fragile and vulnerable but it is used in a way that is to provide protection, how ironic. We can see through it, usually, and I guess that is supposed to be enough to satisfy our need of being on the other side. Most glass, unless it is bullet proof or something, would be so easily smashed into a gillion pieces, but we don't, we respect it's boundary no matter how much we want to be on the other side. We know that broken glass is dangerous and even if you glue the shards back together, it will never be the same. There will always be chips and sharp edges and break lines showing in a pane of glass that has been glued, never again to be smooth and strong in it's purpose.
Our homes, cars and offices have glass to protect us from the outside elements while allowing us to see into the world. Nurseries have glass to protect the babies from germs while allowing for visual connection with loved ones. Correctional institutions have glass to seperate inmates from visitors, again protection while still being able to connect visually. This same theme plays out in a million ways throughout the world, stores, zoos, airports, everywhere we look.
There is also an imaginary pane of glass between people. It is not the well known "wall" that people build around themselves, it is more of an unintentional pane of glass. I encounter one hanging between me and my family members on a daily basis and I am sure we are not alone in this.
There is glass between my oldest and I. She is busy and living her life, I can see her clearly sometimes but other times the glass seems foggy. I want to reach out and lead her, like I did when she was younger, but I can't. She has to find her own way while I stand behind the glass waiting. If she needs my advice she can come to the window and we can talk but if I ever cross the line and break the glass, like we so often want to do as parents, it will never be the same. Instead I get to stand here watching, standing guard, protecting from the outside and waiting for her to be ready to come out of the incubator. How difficult it is to watch your kids peck out of their shells towards freedom, knowing that too much help from us now only means she won't be strong enough to survive on her own later. What a joyful moment it will be when she is fully hatched, knowing that she is as strong as she needs to be and we can remove the glass between us.
For a long time there was frosted glass between me and Daniel, but the window was always open. The window was placed between us by Diabetes and the frosting came courtesy of Asperger's, only I didn't know that. The window keeps me from completely protecting my son, but the fact that it is open allows me to help him. The frosted effect of the window is getting clearer now but I don't know if it will ever completely be gone. My fear is that one day, as he gets closer to being a teenager, he will close the window like his sister before him. Will he be strong enough to hatch without assistance? If I panic and remove the glass will it break? If I help him hatch will he be strong enough in the world on his own later? Only time will tell us the answers to these questions but one thing is sure, there will always be glass of some form between us.
Sarah is still so young and clings to me in a way that glass can not fit between us. I am thankful for that every day. I appreciate every moment and every hug. I know that someday there will be a solid sheet of glass between us and it will be a challenge to remove it. She is strong and I can't be sure she will feel a need for a window that opens. My prayer is that her health will not put a premature pane of glass in our way.
Last but not least there is always glass between me and Blue, it is more like a sliding glass door really. We started out on the same side and then MS kicked me out and locked the door. Every now and again we can manage to jiggle the handle and get the door open but when you least expect it, Boom, it slams closed. We still see each other, we can talk through the glass and it can not keep us from being best friends or from loving each other, but it can sure make you feel alone and helpless sometimes. When you have to watch your spouse have a flare from behind a locked door or he has to see the sadness and concern in your eyes from the other side of that door, it is hard. Who ever heard of a bear den having windows and doors anyway?
While the thin, protective glass that shields my cubs from my help as they hatch is a necessary and temporary part of life, the leaded glass of the disease built windows and doors are not. I want them gone. Somebody call the researchers and tell them that I need to order the "In Case Of Emergency, Break The Glass" Hatchets. While your at it, could you ask them to figure out why bear cubs would be hatching from eggs?