Stop Digging Day

Today is my birthday. These are the days that make you take stock of things. As I look around at my family and my life, I realize that I would never have dreamed I would be where I am but now I couldn't dream of anything else. Don't get me wrong, there are days that test us, but everyone has those. Those days are also matched or outnumbered by incredible days that are full of blessings.

There was a time when I wondered why some people seem to lead charmed lives while tar is poured all over other's lives. With my age has come the wisdom to know that things are not always what they appear. Everyone is touched by good and bad, the difference is all in how we react to these things. Sometimes when we react badly we start a chain of events, you know, digging the hole deeper. When we rise to the occasion and try to see the positives in our situations, well, this is when we refuse to pick up the shovel at all.

I am definitely guilty of digging but I am getting better at remembering to lay the shovel down and look around me. To focus on the hole is to feel alone and helpless. When you stop and look around at all the other people with shovels in hand, you remember you are not alone and that is when you start realizing there must be an answer for us all, outside of the hole.

Sometimes my hole is that my husband has MS. When I look around I know that we are not alone and that the wonderful thing is he is still with me. He may have bad days but he is still the center of our family, we still benefit from who he is. His love and personality is stronger than any illness.

There are days my hole is Daniel's diabetes. Looking around the D-OC reminds me that it is a cycle we are all caught up in. Today may be trying and frustrating but tomorrow could be a day of numbers inside the box, finding a new low carb treat, or a great A1c. I look at the hole and cry, worried about my son's future and the challenges diabetes will have for him until there is a cure. But when I look up from that hole at all the wonderful PWDs we have gotten to know, it brings a smile to my heart. Challenges be damned, my son can and will have a wonderful life just like so many before him.

My hole at times comes in the form of Autism. This one is tricky. I was digging my hole when the diagnosis came along and made me put down my shovel. Weird right? It felt like someone came along and filled the hole in for our family. I still pick up that shovel when new issues come along but when I remember to drop it is the only time I can learn new ways to address those issues. Asperger's may be another thing that challenges our boy for the rest of his life but it does not threaten to take his life. Again, Daniel is strong and has the support system he needs to live his wonderful life and achieve everything he can dream.

I dig when I feel my girls are lost in all of the chaos that is a multiple chronic illness household. They remind me gently, sometimes not so gently, that I need to use my energy not to dig but instead on them. Living with all of the health stuff can feel like tar, but it is more like glue. It pulls us closer, makes us more honest with one another, gives my family empathy and compassion that so many people are missing. My girls are not lost in all of this, they are learning valuable lessons for the future. They are becoming stronger, more caring, less selfish, they are preparing for their individual purpose in life. It is not an easy road they are on, definitely tough for a teenager, but this is where we grow our ability to have faith. Faith that it is for a reason and will all have been worth it. Maybe they are learning early on that it is more productive to just not dig.

My birthday wish this year is not for a cure, although that would be wonderful. No, my wish this year is that all of us will put down our shovels, reach out to each other and find the beauty in our everyday lives. We can do this, just simply stop digging.